He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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