you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
