just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
