im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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