no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
