at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
they're like a gay fantastic four
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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