Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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