I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
