So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
