she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
