walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
