dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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