I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
