I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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