:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just puked most of my soul out..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
