I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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