im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
