I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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