I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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