Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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