you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
