If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
