dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
