I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
