Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
