He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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