I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Who died my cat blue again?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
