I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
