Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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