R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
