I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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