i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
