this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
