I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
