I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
