she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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