glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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