This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm always down for nudity.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
