nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
