I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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