i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
