I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
