Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
