last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
