Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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