Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
