well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
