Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
