haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
