the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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