I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
