we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
