All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
